So it’s Saturday the 28th November 2009, and the niggles are getting a little more obvious. I’ve done this twice before, so know that this is the start of the ‘ real deal’ . I duly inform the husband ” no beer with footy “, as I’m pretty sure we’re going on an adventure tonight. I’m at this point freaking out, as I haven’t had my pre-op, and have no idea what is going to happen to me.
I guess at this point it would be a good place to tell you I’m terrified of hospitals, and go slightly mad in one. Ok, I go totally nuts !!! I change into a person I do not recognise, nor does anyone else who knows me. I’m nasty, impatient, scared and prone to cry constantly. I also can NOT sleep. Not even a wink. So with the last two Bubba’s I’ve had, I discharged myself both times. With my second she was only 1 and a half hours old when we left ! The thought of having to stay in days recovering from a c-section was sending me in to a panic frenzy …. not good.
Right, X-factor has begun and I can no longer pretend these are Braxton Hicks. Time to pack of the kids to Nanny’s and get my arse into gear. I let the hospital know I’m on my way, explaining that I am in very early labour, but don’t want to risk things progressing too fast seeing as this is my 3rd, and she’s breech. Off we go…….
Once there I’m hooked up to the baby monitor and after an hour told I’m not in labour. The machine is not picking up contractions, well that’s news to me. Let’s argue with the midwife and consultant for the next hour, whilst contracting. Cervix checked, only 1cm, but I KNOW this is me in labour as I have done this before. Next thing is it must be a UTI , as there’s something showing in my wee. NO, I’m telling them, that’s the b-strep showing up, but yet again I’m ignored. So after being there for 3 hours, I finally demand the Midwife stands with me and feels me contracting, to which her face changes as she lays her hand on my belly. That is when she discovers that actually I’m not a liar, but the pad that’s goes on my belly is not working………..well thank you for listening.
In comes consultant to scan, who sits there for what felt like hours not saying anything. My mind starts racing and I think my baby’s heartbeat has stopped. I look over at the hubby, and he reads my mind, and in the second we mirror each others panic. The midwife then picks up on our alarm, and tells us the consultant is just checking her position, and she’s perfectly fine, phew !!! He ups and leaves without a word, and at that point I ask for someone who isn’t an arrogant prick to perform the c-section. No chance, I’m stuck with him, and I’m feeling even more unease. He bounds back in, informs me instead of asking me, he’s going to check my cervix and then proceeds to jump into action.
” We need to get this baby out now “
And with those words he leaves me to get ready. The midwife explains that I’m dilating quickly, so it’s time. Hmmm didn’t I tell you this though ??? I walk to theatre, with no idea of whats going to happen, and alone as the hubby is not allowed in yet. I’ve never felt so scared. So in goes the spinal, which I must say was not too bad. But the sickness and uncontrollable shaking frightens the living crap out of me. What the hell is going on ??? I’m injected with something then told it’s normal, well why didn’t you tell me this before ??
Next thing I know hubby is there, the consultant walks in, screen goes up and there are people poking inside of me !!! I mean I have HANDS IN ME !!!!!!!! And yet no-one speaks to me. They have cut me open, I am helpless and yet I’m just a bit of meat on the table. I’ve never felt like that before, so scared and out of control. And this is the vision and memory that has woken me every night for almost 7 months after the birth. I felt like I was in a horror movie, why was no one talking to me when I could feel them doing what they were????
Then a small cry comes, she is weighed and they cannot get her legs down, so we are handed a ball of baby hehe. She is a beautiful 6lbs 11ozs. And whilst they so me up, I am yet again hit by sickness and shaking !! I’m injected again, all’s well but still being ignored. Once the consultant has finished with me, he leaves the room with one word…….”congratulations”
I’m not feeling to overjoyed at the moment, I’m too traumatized !!